Skyrim Hoarders
By Emily Axford
NOTE: This can be a parody from the Television show "Hoarders."
"Hoarders" Title card with dramatic music.
CUT TO: Glarthir, an Elf, outdoors of his Breezehome.
GLARTHIR (VO)
(type of shy and ashamed)
I’m Glarthir. I am a crook of
the Bosmer race.
Cut to: Glarthir before a black backdrop. His name
seems within the lefthand corner in white-colored print.
GLARTHIR
I am additionally a Thane of Whiterun.
CUT TO: POV shots in the Breezehome, products kicked about
and thrown on the ground.
Title card: "The town of Whiterun has threatened and that’s
Glarthir."
Cut to: YGGDRASIL, a Nord, standing outdoors Breezehome. His
name seems within the lefthand corner in white-colored print.
YGGDRASIL
I am enthusiast Nord, and I’m gonna
help Glarthir cleanup his act and
hopefully keep Breezehome.
Cut to:
INT. SKYRIM BREEZEHOME
Another person shot of Yggdrasil, walking through Glarthir’s
Breezehome. Yggdrasil looks around. The area is really a mess.
YGGDRASIL
Oh, wow. This really is… a lot of things.
GLARTHIR
Uh, loot. It’s really loot.
YGGDRASIL
Where would you get all of it?
GLARTHIR (OC)
(silently, a little ashamed)
I stripsearch lots of dead physiques.
Title card: "Lydia, Glarthir’s housecarl, has provided him an
ultimatum…" DISSOLVE TO: "Cleanup, or she’s departing."
LYDIA
(tearfully, black backdrop)
I am talking about, I’m his sword and shield,
however i can’t reside in filth any longer.
Cut to: Breezehome. Yggdrasil is travelling. Yggdrasil
sees a stack of Dragon bones.
YGGDRASIL
Why do you want a lot of dragon
bones?
GLARTHIR (OC)
Oh, you realize, in order to make armor.
YGGDRASIL
You are a blacksmith?
GLARTHIR (OC)
…No.
Cut to: Yggdrasil goes through a lot of books.
YGGDRASIL
Surviving a Horker Attack Vol.
2…It from the Dragonborn??
GLARTHIR (OC)
Uh, certainly gonna read that
soon. Something about dragons and
some covenant they provided. So…
YGGDRASIL
The Lusty Argonian Maid?
Glarthir is embarrassed. Lydia is annoyed.
Title card: "While dealing with a stack of arrows and bows,
Yggdrasil constitutes a horrifying discovery"
YGGDRASIL
(pointing to some pile of feces)
It is simply a stack of feces.
GLARTHIR
Great for potions. But yeah, I suppose
that’s gross.
Cut to: Kitchen, dealing with piles of rotting food.
YGGDRASIL
This clam meat must be
refrigerated. What exactly are you
going related to all of this cabbage?
GLARTHIR (OC)
Fine.
Cut to: Glarthir in third person mode. Glarthir starts
reaching at products unsuccessfully.
GLARTHIR
(clearly laying)
Sorry its as being a tiny bit
harder to get stuff cause I am
in third person mode. Yah, so…
Title card: "Lydia’s presence transmits Glarthir into an
obsessive spiral."
Cut to: Upstairs, the actual bed room is stuffed with garbage
and weapons. Lydia is tossing out a lot of weapons.
GLARTHIR
(losing it, to Lydia)
What’s happening?? I want these
in situation I ever wish to dual-wield.
Title card: "Yggdrasil challenges Glarthir to dig much deeper."
Cut to: Yggdrasil searching directly in the camera (Glarthir).
YGGDRASIL
I need use me.
Reluctant pause. The inventory screen pops up and begins to
scroll through his stuff.
GLARTHIR (OC)
(getting panicky)
Ummm, let us see, let us see…
(pausing on iron ore)
…have to hold onto this in situation I
discover the transmute spell…
(pausing on jewellery)
…gotta save these cause I am gonna
enchant them. When I increase
my enchanting skill.
(pausing on moldy pile of
National Geographic Magazines)
They are destined to be pretty valuable
at some point… I suppose I possibly could drop…
uh… erm… this!
A wood bowl is chosen and dropped. A beat. It’s selected
support.
LYDIA
I’ve got a bad feeling relating to this.
The inventory screen disappears.
GLARTHIR (OC)
Pardon me? I am a fucking Thane of
Whiterun.
We have seen two hands come in the screen, targeted at Lydia.
Title card: "Yggdrasil takes Lydia aside to speak about
Glarthir"
LYDIA
(tearfully)
I suppose I simply did not understand what I
was stepping into as he came and
forced me into his service.
YGGDRASIL
He needs you at this time, Lydia.
LYDIA
Well, I’m sworn to hold his
burden.
Title card: "The town health inspector has showed up to examine
Breezehome and choose whether it’s fit for occupancy."
The Town Health Inspector enters Breezehome. It is a bit
cleaner.
CITY HEALTH INSPECTOR
(searching around)
You realize, I had been an
adventurer as if you, however I
required…
Everybody groans and mumbles, thinking he will say "an
arrow towards the knee."
CITY HEALTH INSPECTOR
(loud, over their grumbling)
…an evening class in public places health.
I required an evening class in public places
health. Geez.
Finish.
Resourse: http://collegehumor.com/video/6747386/
